Silent Suffering: The Untold Struggles of Widowers in Nigeria

By Dada Ahmed.

It was rainy and sad on Tuesday 15, 2023 in Okene,Kogi State, as helpless Ohieku, a 42-year-old father of three children stood beside his wife’s grave. To him,the storm had come unexpectedly, mirroring the turmoil in his heart. His wife, Amina, the love of his life, had passed away just two weeks earlier after a prolonged, failed battle with high blood pressure. ” I held her hand as she took her last breath, and in the blink of an eye, my life had changed forever,” he said with a heavy heart, bemoaning.

Ohieku says since the death of his wife, his world has been defined by an overwhelming sense of loss, adding that beyond the emotional grief, there was also the daunting financial strain.

As the sole breadwinner of his family, the bereaved husband worked as a driver for a private company, earning just enough to meet the needs of his children and his wife. But his sadness is that now that his “jewel of inestimable value” has gone, the weight of raising three young children alone seemed unbearable for him.

Ohieku story is not unique in this dilemma of life.Every day, countless widowers across Nigeria experience a similar pain, not only emotional but also socio-economic hardship.

Discerning members of the public are worried about the pathetic condition of widowers suffering in silence. They regret that, while widowhood has long been a focal point of government intervention through various empowerment programmes for widows, widowers like Ohieku are often , left to cope with their grief and financial struggles alone.

Over the years, successive administrations in Nigeria have introduced programmes designed to empower widows. These initiatives include financial grants, skills development programmes, and other welfare schemes aimed at helping widows regain financial independence. Widows, often viewed as the most vulnerable members of society after the death of their spouses, have benefitted from these governmental actions. However, one demographic that has largely been overlooked in these efforts is the widowers.

Experience shows that the plight of widowers remains largely unaddressed, despite the fact that they too face significant challenges following the death of a spouse. The emotional toll of losing a partner, compounded by the social stigma surrounding widowers, is often exacerbated by financial instability. Many widowers, like Ohieku struggle to balance work and family life while navigating the pain of loss. For many men, the societal expectation to be strong and stoic in the face of grief only adds to the burden.

The absence of support structures for widowers in Nigeria becomes more evident when we consider the lack of tailored programmes aimed at addressing their unique needs. Widowers are often expected to “move on” and take on the responsibility of both parents in the household. While widows may receive government support through various programmes, widowers are often left to fend for themselves, with little to no assistance in navigating the complexities of single parenting, financial challenges, or even mental health.

One way the government could begin to address this issue is by creating social welfare programmes that specifically target widowers. Similar to those designed for widows, these programnes could provide financial aid, counseling services, and career development opportunities to help men cope with the emotional and economic consequences of losing a spouse. For instance, financial grants could assist widowers who are struggling to meet basic needs while they adjust to their new reality. Additionally, skill acquisition programmes tailored to men’s specific professional interests could help them secure stable sources of income.

Counseling services, too, would play a crucial role in helping widowers process their grief. Unfortunately,the stigma surrounding male vulnerability often discourages men from seeking help when they need it most. Therefore,offering accessible mental health services that specifically address the emotional trauma of widowers could help reduce the risk of depression and mental health challenges that many men face after the loss of their spouse.

A government initiative that offers such services would provide men with the space to grieve, without the societal pressure to “tough it out” will not be a misplaced priority.

Moreover, the government should also focus on sensitizing the public to the unique struggles that widowers face. Widowers often report feeling marginalized and misunderstood by society, with cultural norms and gender expectations often dictating that men should not show weakness or seek support.

Public awareness campaigns could serve to challenge these harmful stereotypes,encourage greater empathy for widowers and foster a more inclusive society where both men and women can access the support they need during difficult times.

Equally important is the need to support widowers in their parenting responsibilities. Widowers with young children often struggle with balancing the demands of work and raising their children, especially when they do not have family members available to step in.

Programmes that provide affordable childcare, parenting workshops, and family support systems would go a long way in helping widowers manage the day-to-day demands of single parenting.

There is also a growing need for the government to address the financial disparities that widowers face. Many widowers, like Ohieku are left to carry the weight of a family alone, with no safety nets to help them survive the economic shock that comes with the loss of a spouse. Government policies could include tax relief for widowers, access to affordable healthcare, and low-interest loans for widowers seeking to start or expand businesses. Such measures would help provide men with the financial stability they need to support themselves and their families after a significant loss.

Finally, to truly make a difference, the government must involve widowers in the design and implementation of policies aimed at their welfare. It is crucial that those who are directly affected by the issue have a voice in shaping the solutions. By engaging with widowers, government agencies can ensure that the programnes and initiatives they implement are relevant, effective, and tailored to the specific challenges faced by men who have lost their spouses.

In all, the need to extend gestures of support to widowers is an essential part of creating a more equitable society in Nigeria. While widowhood has rightly received significant attention from the government, widowers too require assistance to cope with the emotional, social, and financial struggles they face after the loss of their spouse.

By creating targeted programmes for widowers, offering counseling, financial support, and public education, the government can help ensure that all grieving individuals, regardless of gender, receive the support they need to rebuild their lives.

The argument advanced in this piece is that, as government offers a hand to widows, it is time to extend that same hand to widowers, acknowledging their struggles and empowering them to move forward.

Ahmed publishes The Reporters.