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Politics

SATIRICAL APOLOGY LETTER BY SENATOR NATASHA AKPOTI UDUAGHAN TO SENATE PRESIDENT GODSWILL AKPABIO

AdminBy AdminApril 29, 2025Updated:April 29, 2025No Comments2 Mins Read
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Dear Distinguished Senate President Godswill Akpabio,

It is with the deepest sarcasm and utmost theatrical regret that I tender this apology for the grievous crime of possessing dignity and self-respect in your most exalted presence. I have reflected extensively on my unforgivable failure to recognize that legislative success in certain quarters is apparently not earned through merit, but through the ancient art of compliance — of the very personal kind.

How remiss of me not to understand that my refusal to indulge your… “requests” was not merely a personal choice, but a constitutional violation of the unwritten laws of certain men’s entitlement. Truly, I must apologize for prioritizing competence over capitulation, vision over vanity, and the people’s mandate over private dinners behind closed doors.

I now realize the catastrophic consequences of my actions: legislation delayed, tempers flared, and the tragic bruising of egos so large they require their own postcodes. For this disruption to the natural order of “quid pro quo,” I bow my head in fictional shame.

Please find it in your magnanimous heart — somewhere buried deep beneath layers of entitlement — to forgive this stubborn woman who mistakenly believed that her seat in the Senate was earned through elections, not erections.

I remain,
Yours in eternal resistance,
Senator Natasha H Akpoti Uduaghan
Unafraid, Unbought, and Unbroken.

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