By Dada Ahmed.
(C).HumAngle.
Many years ago, as a fledgling judicial reporter in Lokoja, Kogi State, reporting for the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN), I was left bewildered while covering a court case involving a couple who had been married for 25 years. On the day the case was brought before a Chief Magistrate’s Court, the husband did not hesitate to express his frustration to the chief magistrate.
“Chief Magistrate, sir, please, I want this marriage dissolved, if possible, today.”This woman before you has become a thorn in my flesh,”he said, with his voice filled with desperation
He went on to explain the deep frustration he had been living with for years. “Apart from being a constant source of quarrels, she has added physical violence to her list of abuses against me, disregarding the fact that I am the husband. If this marriage continues, I fear I won’t survive much longer—it may be the end of me,”he lamented
Despite the Chief Magistrate’s best efforts to mediate and resolve the issue, the marriage was beyond saving. All attempts to encourage reconciliation were unsuccessful, and the court ultimately dissolved the marriage, with the two parties going their separate ways.
Since then, violence against men has continued to evolve, with the victims often bearing the pain in silence and in extreme cases,some lost their lives.
Domestic violence has long been associated with women as victims, however,but recent developments in Nigeria reveal a disturbing common shift with men becoming victims of abuse at the hands of their wives. While domestic violence against women remains a critical issue globally, there is an emerging and alarming trend of men enduring psychological, physical, and emotional violence within their marriages. As men continue to suffer in silence, the question arises: how can this growing epidemic be addressed and eventually stopped?
Just a few years ago, it was overwhelmingly men who were accused of perpetrating violence against women. However, recent reports and disturbing videos, like the one shared by my friend from a state in eastern Nigeria, highlight a tragic role reversal.
In that sad event, a wife was said to have poured hot water on her husband following a quarrel between over an issue bordering on family upkeep.
In another case, a house wife was said to have beaten her husband to stupor because the husband dare told her he planned to marry another wife. The quick intervention of medical doctors saved the husband from death.
Many women are in Correctional facilities in Nigeria, today, accused of perpetrating domestic violence against their husbands.
In these cases, it is the men who find themselves subjected to degrading and violent treatment at the hands of their wives. This trend is not just a random occurrence but seems to be part of a broader, concerning pattern that is beginning to take hold in many Nigerian communities.
The video my friend sent me was chilling. It depicted a man enduring physical and emotional torment from his wife, and as disturbing as it was, it is not an isolated incident. Many Nigerian men are now bearing the brunt of domestic violence in their homes and in silence. What is even more troubling is that these men are often left without support or a platform to seek help. “Who will speak for us?” one victim said, and this question highlights the heart of the crisis.
In Nigerian society, the cultural expectation that men are the protectors, the providers, and the strong ones, often means that their suffering goes unnoticed. The stigma surrounding male victims of domestic violence is one of the greatest barriers to addressing the issue. Experience shows that many men are afraid to speak out, fearing ridicule or disbelief. “Who will believe our report?” they wonder, knowing full well that the societal mindset has long been that men are the aggressors, not the victims.
This pervasive attitude means that men often stay silent about the violence they endure. Many believe that reporting such abuse would make them seem weak or incapable of maintaining their role as head of the household. Consequently, they internalize their pain, leading to devastating consequences. “May God help us in this thing called marriage,” one victim lamented, voicing the hopelessness that many men feel as they endure daily torment.
Domestic violence against men can take many forms. It is not always physical; in many cases, it is emotional and psychological abuse that leaves lasting scars. The verbal insults, constant belittling, and manipulation by wives can be just as damaging as physical violence, if not more so. Men in these abusive relationships often find themselves trapped, unable to escape the cycle of torment, with nowhere to turn for help.
Experts on marriage are worried over this ugly trend and describe as profound. Their worry stems from the fact that,many men suffer in silence, leading to depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts. The stigma surrounding male victims of domestic violence prevents them from seeking the help they desperately need. Without access to support networks or a safe place to report their experiences, these men are left to cope with their pain alone. The emotional toll is immeasurable, and unfortunately as a result of the violence in their marriages.
One of the major challenges in addressing domestic violence against men is the lack of legal frameworks and resources dedicated to supporting male victims. While there are numerous organizations focused on helping women, the support for men is insufficient.
Concerned men call for a pressing need for the Nigerian government to implement policies that recognize and address domestic violence against men. This includes establishing helplines, shelters, and counseling services for male victims, as well as raising awareness about the issue.
In addition to institutional support, cultural attitudes towards domestic violence must shift. It is essential to dismantle the harmful stereotypes that portray men as the aggressors in every situation. Public awareness campaigns should educate the populace that both men and women can be victims of domestic violence. Men must be encouraged to speak out and seek help without the fear of shame or judgment. There must be a collective effort to break the silence surrounding male victims.
Furthermore, it is critical that men are equipped with the knowledge of their rights and available resources. Workshops, community outreach programmes, and media campaigns can provide men with the tools they need to identify abuse and take the necessary steps to protect themselves. Empowering men with information and resources can help them feel less isolated and more confident in speaking out against the violence they face.
Marriage should be a partnership built on mutual respect, love, and trust, but when one partner abuses the other, that foundation is shattered. Domestic violence, in any form, is unacceptable. As a society, we must work together to end this silent crisis, ensuring that men, like women, are able to live free from fear and abuse within their homes.
It is on exaggeration to say that domestic violence against men is a growing development in Nigeria, and it must not be ignored. We cannot continue to allow men to suffer in silence, trapped in abusive relationships with no avenue for help. As the voices of male victims grow louder, we must listen, support, and work to put an end to this crisis. It is time to recognize that domestic violence affects both genders, and it is time to act to ensure that all victims receive the support and justice they deserve.
Ultimately, the question must be asked: Who will speak for the men who are suffering in silence? It is time for society to answer this one million naira question.
Ahmed publishes The Reporters.
